Overwhelmed
I finally lost it yesterday. After trudging around the house all afternoon, trying to convince myself that I enjoy ironing and mowing the lawn, I went to pick up Soulmate from work. Now, my darling Soulmate is having his own daily battles with an a** of a project manager, so I have been reluctant to lay this on him. Moreover, I haven't really been aware of what the problem was until very recently.
I couldn't help myself. Soulmate got in the car and kissed me hello. My eyes welled up and tears spilled down my cheeks. Poor Soulmate. He thought something awful had happened, chas v'shalom. I mean, being unhappy is awful, but not as awful as tragedy. Anyway, I realized yesterday afternoon that for my own sanity, I need to do something out of the house that uses my brain. I've been trying to play the dutiful housewife and I've been failing miserably. Some days I don't want to make dinner. I just want to eat cereal. Or toast. Or open a can of soup. But, I can't inflict that lassitude on my loving and wonderful husband.
I have no idea how the women of yesteryear dealt with this. How do you spend a lifetime making beds and patching clothing? Maybe it's different when you have kids. Maybe my worldview is skewed because I grew up in the 80s when it was widely professed that women could do it all. Maybe it's just that I've been used to teaching every day and knowing that my existence made a difference in the world even if I had a bad day at work. Maybe I'm just lazy and don't like housework.
So, I'm switching it up. I'm going to write full-time, something I had always planned to do out here. I packed up the laptop this morning and went in search of a coffee shop with free wifi. I've spent the morning researching for a new young adult novel I plan to write. With any luck and a lot of work, perhaps I'll manage to publish it and Soulmate and I can retire to an old farmhouse in the country.
I couldn't help myself. Soulmate got in the car and kissed me hello. My eyes welled up and tears spilled down my cheeks. Poor Soulmate. He thought something awful had happened, chas v'shalom. I mean, being unhappy is awful, but not as awful as tragedy. Anyway, I realized yesterday afternoon that for my own sanity, I need to do something out of the house that uses my brain. I've been trying to play the dutiful housewife and I've been failing miserably. Some days I don't want to make dinner. I just want to eat cereal. Or toast. Or open a can of soup. But, I can't inflict that lassitude on my loving and wonderful husband.
I have no idea how the women of yesteryear dealt with this. How do you spend a lifetime making beds and patching clothing? Maybe it's different when you have kids. Maybe my worldview is skewed because I grew up in the 80s when it was widely professed that women could do it all. Maybe it's just that I've been used to teaching every day and knowing that my existence made a difference in the world even if I had a bad day at work. Maybe I'm just lazy and don't like housework.
So, I'm switching it up. I'm going to write full-time, something I had always planned to do out here. I packed up the laptop this morning and went in search of a coffee shop with free wifi. I've spent the morning researching for a new young adult novel I plan to write. With any luck and a lot of work, perhaps I'll manage to publish it and Soulmate and I can retire to an old farmhouse in the country.
posted by Sarah at 09:54
5 Comments:
Well, if we could retire, neither of us would have to go out to work and we could be at home together.
I hope you manage to succeed. I wish I could write full time, but I not only cannot afford to do that, but I don't know what I write. It takes a lot of focus and patience, and perseverance. I used to love writing in high school, but then in college I kind of burnt out on the writing thing.
Have you thought about creating a task list for yourself, just like you were still working? In addition to writing (writing eight hours each day right off the bat can be pretty daunting), what about picking a subject you'd like to teach to your children and then learning it? Or maybe there's a craft you always wanted to try? I've always wanted to learn to sew so I could put some more variety into my wardrobe... You could even pick up some of those trades that kept the women of yesteryear busy-- learning to make homemade butter, making soap/ointments/makeup, knitting clothing, weaving placemats. Those women did a whole lot more than darn socks and make the beds. :) If you wanted to work with your brain rather than your hands, there's always learning a new language, going through a list of the great works of literature, studying a period of history, learning about the local ecology...
ahuva- the thing is, anysara already knows all that stuff. really.
she is the model woman of yesteryear, today, and tomorrow, and if you had ever tasted her home-made from scratch stuff, or seen her knitting, or played trivial pursuit with her, you would have wanted to steal her away from soulmate.
yep, she's that good.
so, rock on, AS...
Blogblond,
I wasn't trying to criticise AnySara. I'm sorry if it sounded that way.
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