Who the hell do they think they are?
This post is outside the general scope of this blog, but I couldn't think of anyone to send a letter-to-the-editor to who would actually read what I have to say...
This past Sunday, an article appeared in the Globe and Mail called "Motherhood is Boring". I haven't read the actual article itself since GM wants your credit card info if you want to read their articles online. Bastards. So, I Googled the term and found loads of letters and blog entries on the topic directing me to the article in the Daily Mail which inspired the GM article. Since the Daily Mail is obvioudly less pretentious, they actually printed the article in question for consumption on their website.
Helen Kirwan-Taylor asserts that her children bore her to death. She refuses to take part in any school activities (they just don't interest her) and she's more likely to be found having her highlights done than at a child's birthday party. She claims that her children have gotten used to her not showing up to their cricket matches or school plays and that they don't mind. She admits that when her childred were younger, she threw herself into her work because any journalism assignment was much more titillating than her offspring.
This, my friends, is why people should have to be licensed to be parents.
She goes on to cite the extreme - as if there's no inbetween - of parents whose children throw tantrums at a dinner party and thus the parents of send their guests home rather than send the children to their rooms. She then goes on to claim that her children will be more 'balanced' because their indulged counterparts will grow up narcissistic and unable to function.
Now (take a breath), I do agree that the parents who sent the guests home rather than sending the children to their room are going way overboard (Assuming the situation was as simplistic as Ms. Kirwan-Taylor describes). Ms. Kirwan-Taylor is absolutely correct in her assertion that children whose parents spend their lives toting them to and from soccer practice, ballet, and swimming and generally catering to their every whim (crusts cut off) WILL grow up narcissistic and bratty.
Granted, I am not yet a parent. I have, however, been a teacher for seven years and have had the opportunity to observe first-hand the fruits of different parenting styles. Indulgent parents produce petulant children. Neglectful parents produce angry children who will do anything to get their parents attention. There is, however, a happy medium. Parenting is a delicate balance between meeting your needs and your children's needs. I'm sure that it's quite impossible at times. In those instances, your children's needs should nearly always trump your own.
At the recent opening of our new shul, several children were allowed to run amok screaming between the audience and the podium (where the mayor, rabbi, superintendent of schools, etc. were speaking). The parents sat calmly in the audience, quite obviously pretending that they had no children. Not only was it appallingly rude to everyone there, it was neglectful of their children.
Children need limits. They need to be told when something they do is out-of-bounds and sometimes they even need a consequence. When you decided to have a baby, you committed yourself to bringing them up properly - even if that means that you have to leave a play/dinner/speech/etc. to correct them. When children act out, they are telling their parents that they need something. Maybe they need the limits to be more clearly defined. Maybe they need a hug and a soft word of reminder. Maybe they need a larger consequence (time out, cancellation of an activity, etc.). It's not a parent's job to dote on a child, but it is a parent's job to make their children the center of their universe.
The appalling article by Ms. Kirwan-Taylor has no doubt given countless parents permission to give into their own narcissistic tendencies. This attitude, as much as the attitude of the doting parents who give their child whatever he/she asks for, will produce unhappy children who will struggle to function in a society that is, whether you believe it or not, full of boundaries and limits.
Shame on you, Ms. Kirwan-Taylor.
This past Sunday, an article appeared in the Globe and Mail called "Motherhood is Boring". I haven't read the actual article itself since GM wants your credit card info if you want to read their articles online. Bastards. So, I Googled the term and found loads of letters and blog entries on the topic directing me to the article in the Daily Mail which inspired the GM article. Since the Daily Mail is obvioudly less pretentious, they actually printed the article in question for consumption on their website.
Helen Kirwan-Taylor asserts that her children bore her to death. She refuses to take part in any school activities (they just don't interest her) and she's more likely to be found having her highlights done than at a child's birthday party. She claims that her children have gotten used to her not showing up to their cricket matches or school plays and that they don't mind. She admits that when her childred were younger, she threw herself into her work because any journalism assignment was much more titillating than her offspring.
This, my friends, is why people should have to be licensed to be parents.
She goes on to cite the extreme - as if there's no inbetween - of parents whose children throw tantrums at a dinner party and thus the parents of send their guests home rather than send the children to their rooms. She then goes on to claim that her children will be more 'balanced' because their indulged counterparts will grow up narcissistic and unable to function.
Now (take a breath), I do agree that the parents who sent the guests home rather than sending the children to their room are going way overboard (Assuming the situation was as simplistic as Ms. Kirwan-Taylor describes). Ms. Kirwan-Taylor is absolutely correct in her assertion that children whose parents spend their lives toting them to and from soccer practice, ballet, and swimming and generally catering to their every whim (crusts cut off) WILL grow up narcissistic and bratty.
Granted, I am not yet a parent. I have, however, been a teacher for seven years and have had the opportunity to observe first-hand the fruits of different parenting styles. Indulgent parents produce petulant children. Neglectful parents produce angry children who will do anything to get their parents attention. There is, however, a happy medium. Parenting is a delicate balance between meeting your needs and your children's needs. I'm sure that it's quite impossible at times. In those instances, your children's needs should nearly always trump your own.
At the recent opening of our new shul, several children were allowed to run amok screaming between the audience and the podium (where the mayor, rabbi, superintendent of schools, etc. were speaking). The parents sat calmly in the audience, quite obviously pretending that they had no children. Not only was it appallingly rude to everyone there, it was neglectful of their children.
Children need limits. They need to be told when something they do is out-of-bounds and sometimes they even need a consequence. When you decided to have a baby, you committed yourself to bringing them up properly - even if that means that you have to leave a play/dinner/speech/etc. to correct them. When children act out, they are telling their parents that they need something. Maybe they need the limits to be more clearly defined. Maybe they need a hug and a soft word of reminder. Maybe they need a larger consequence (time out, cancellation of an activity, etc.). It's not a parent's job to dote on a child, but it is a parent's job to make their children the center of their universe.
The appalling article by Ms. Kirwan-Taylor has no doubt given countless parents permission to give into their own narcissistic tendencies. This attitude, as much as the attitude of the doting parents who give their child whatever he/she asks for, will produce unhappy children who will struggle to function in a society that is, whether you believe it or not, full of boundaries and limits.
Shame on you, Ms. Kirwan-Taylor.
posted by Sarah at 10:08
3 Comments:
Deffinatly, children need limits. And they want it too, because they want to be assured that we care.
It always scares me to death to think that evey bastard i know, no matter of their capabilities probably will end up being a parent. how will they be able to look in the eyes of their children and say, we are your parents and we know better, we are only in it for your good.
AnySara,
Thanks for the well-written essay. Well-reasoned and passionate, without being polemical.
As someone recently married and of the age when people start thinking about having kids, I've been watching various parenting styles. It's amazing to see the connection between the parents' demeanor and the child's. Loving, patient and firm seems to work the best in most situations that require correction.
Parents who yell have kids who yell, generally.
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